The Disappearance Of Unplanned Plans

December 24, 2015

Extremely bummed by the fact that I’ve got no choice but to cut off the cycle of my annual 12DaysOfMichelleA at the 4th year. I did vlog bits and pieces here and there but you’ve been here long enough to know that I never liked to gather everything together and throw it at you like “there, this is what you’re getting” because as much as I don’t like to disappoint (if anybody actually cares if I post/update the snippets of my life), I’d still like to give my best.

I make sure to care for my YouTube schedule taking extra note that I should at least have something (one thing) of which schedule I have kept up with just so I don’t fail you or myself therefore neglecting what or where I started at – blogging. I almost went completely away from it because I lost the photos to my 20th birthday celebration causing the draft to rot in the archives, but I’ll keep looking for that memory card. I promise. It felt like I couldn’t move on if I don’t get that post up so I put my blog altogether on hold, which I shouldn’t have because now I’m struggling to catch up.

Edit: 3 days after unintentionally dumping this post in my pool of drafts.

Having a horrible day got me thinking.

  • Why am I doing this? 
  • Why am I giving up on something I like, to do something I don’t? 
  • Why am I putting in more effort to do something I need not like than on things I do like doing?
    Work after work, so much so I don’t know how to take time to do nothing anymore. It’s not a joke when I say I’m busy, so busy I don’t have time to reply to messages from my friends, so busy I don’t have time to stop moving (even waiting at the traffic feels like I’m wasting years of my life), so busy I don’t have actual spare time for anyone, so busy I forgot how to live. 

    I need not keep myself busy to numb myself from any pain, I need not keep myself busy to forget any sad memories, I need not keep myself busy for anything, except money – for a well prepared better future. But let me tell you, I’m just keeping myself unhappy without knowing what I’m actually doing to myself; too many people get way too concern about their future, they forgot to live in the “now” – which is exactly what I’m talking about.

    This is so not worth it. 

    P.S. Thank you for sticking around, again.

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