Being an Army Girlfriend

November 5, 2016

I see many girls leaving, many boys crying or ranting. I’ve been through the army journey with a number of guy friends where only one manage to get out uninfluenced, and the only friend who has gotten Kelvin’s approval. I heard the horrors of bad influences and saw a lot myself as friends of NSmen, but since I wasn’t always around the friends in NS, I couldn’t understand the hardship behind being in a relationship with a man (AKA how it’s like being an army girlfriend) in the army until Kelvin got enlisted.

Kelvin and I known each other since the very beginning of time. Became an item when we were 14 but my wild interests let him down and my raccoon eyes scare him away. It took me six years to find my way back to him, and six years for him to finally pick his balls up to confess how he is my sun and I am his moon. 

That was obviously just the summary of us. I smell fried chicken. Ok let’s get back on track.

1. Separation

It’s going to feel like you’re taking a break from each other at first. It sounds so stupid now but it’s okay to cry when you say goodbye. You aren’t used to being on your own again, because you read too many articles and because your man is going in to be yelled at, tortured, treated like a piece of shit – being a recruit is tough even from the eyes of an outsider but that’s one of the many training from being boy boy to men and soldiers; to be able to take shit.

You will feel lonely and everything that comes with it. My best piece of advice is to never give up on forever for something temporary, always keep that in mind. You’ll need that.

2. Effort

The beginning of the 2-year journey was the worst but we did good. I started my day job 2 months before Kelvin got enlisted and was struggling with being an adult. I would travel all the way to the other side of the mrt map to accompany Kelvin home which (both our houses) is on the other side of where we meet, have a quick dinner and take a long bus ride home. Some days we stare into the blank space on the bus and then suddenly snap out of it with “WHERE ARE WE ALREADY?!”.

While he would accompany me out to walk aimlessly around the mall (because that’s what I like to do) on the only days he could rest, or go to a restaurant I suggested to try new dishes. He’s not at all a cafe/restaurant type of person so it’s safe to say that I’m the bad influence now. 

3. Insecurities

Jealously occurs and it’s normal but insecurities are hard to deal with. As confident as a man can be, they are in another island, namely tekong; where signals are bad and workload is worse. Minus the humid bunk and eerie hallway/toilet/surrounding/forest. I’m getting the chills just by typing this! The last thing they need is to be thinking what their girl is doing out late at night or who else she’s texting because it can take up to 3 mins for an iMessage to get through. 

I’m guilty because though we can unlock into one another’s phone, we don’t have the habit to slide into text messages or whatsapp. Hence I’ll take into offense when Kelvin asks who does this number belong to or what were me and this-guy-friend-who-hasn’t-shown-kelvin-a-worthy-to-befriend-side-of-himself talking about. It sounded like he thinks I’m being suspicious and it’s fucking annoying so responding with it’s nothing?? only fucks shit up. There was a big argument and that was it, we knew we needed some fixing in that aspect. Now we can list out every single contact person in the list and the content of the texts exchanged, maybe even the applications like games, to-do apps, bus ETA apps etc. and I hope you can tell that I’m exaggerating but you know what I mean. We just sort of know, or if we don’t, it’s agreed (based on trust) to ask (out of respect) to view messages.

Draws me back to point number 2. 

4. More effort

You’re starting to get used to the last-minute-decision routine that the army practices. It’s starting to feel like a piece of cake then a new problem arises like for example, some nice guys are being posted out/done with army and new bunkmates are fucked up pieces of shit, the man is bloody pissed off and it will somehow affect the mood in the relationship. Really, compromise and understand how mentally draining army can be. At most you can just rant and fire back at him when he’s back to the loving angel self that you love and sometimes take for granted. 

To not surrender when things get tough is how it’s like being an army girlfriend/NSF girlfriend. 

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